Thursday, December 3, 2009

"..wherever there is beauty, he will find a home."

I left my home today, for the last time, as my home.

I've been looking forward to it. I've been ready for it.

In truth, its not like we've even been living there for the last few weeks.

But tomorrow our new tenants move in, and then it will be their home.

We cleaned, we scrubbed, we carted off the last of our belongings, we made way for someone else's belongings, made a place for them to have their own memories.

I didn't think I'd care. But as I walked through that little home, turning off lights, I was reminded...

I ran my hands across the words, "Live in the Sunshine" on my daughter's bedroom wall.
I looked at the four square walls of our now empty bedroom, thinking of our family of four piled in the bed, nights laying awake and watching my husband snore, sleepless nights of sick babies.
I saw where I laid my children, this being the place I brought them home to.
I lived there alone a few months, the Mister and I separated while he waited for our house in Virginia to sell.  I thought of the long nights on the phone, his surprise visit--just like dating again...

I walked through each room, running my hands along the walls, thinking of how this home had seen us through nearly every stage of our family thus far.

A friend of mine, when I mentioned this difficulty, shared a thought her mother had shared with her: "Change, of any sort, requires courage."

So I girded up my loins and breathed deeply of the history of this home.

I loved it suddenly then, more than ever, and I think I shall love it always.

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