Purpose

Poor little neglected blog. I admit I do a terrible job of updating it these past months. The reasons I could give are many. But I think I've narrowed it down to one: I've lost my purpose in writing this. It's true. This whole blog was started on my hope of taking things more slowly, of kicking the consumer habit, of living more present in each moment. And in the past year, I've kind of sucked at that. I mostly want to blame my job. About a year and a half ago, we got a lot of changes at work that drastically reduced the flexibility that I had to enjoy my family and focus. Ultimately, I know that I am more than my circumstances, and the responsibility has to lie with me.

We had to move again this summer. Did I mention that? We moved the summer of 2011 because we were moving to an apartment twice the size. It was ultimately what led us to have our little Grasshopper and for that I am grateful! But, just a year later--this past August, we were forced into another parking lot move that put us back into about 500 square feet--half of what we'd spent the last year in. We thought we'd had it good moving into the bigger space, and that was evidenced by the amount of STUFF we'd let ourselves accumulate. Granted, there was now a whole other person added to the mix, with all the accompanying stuff that comes with a baby, but truly, we had allowed our belongings to balloon well past our need. There's a lot of frustration that comes with this move, and in large part, it's because I had been feeling entitled--one of the dirtiest feelings for people to have, I think. I felt entitled to my space--I do, after all, have the most children, the most seniority, etc when compared with my coworkers--and entitled to the STUFF I had accumulated. All this meaningless stuff, which has largely spent the last three months sitting up in a storage room, in the boxes it was originally packed into. One of the very few things I DO believe I am entitled to is happiness, and I can see that it will not be found in all that stuff. I KNOW it's true, but I somehow let us slip back to that place.

So, more recently, I have realized that once again, I have to fight back those old demons---the ones who tell me I NEED it, that my kids NEED it, or that it will bring us happiness. None of those things are true. I've got to try to shake the entitlement trap, the consumer habit, and get my hands dirty to get back to that place where living simply and free from the bondage of belongings brought me so much peace. So...once more into the fray. I'll try not to neglect this piece of that along the way.